Dating a divorce
Two years ago, I met a gentleman I shall henceforth call James, because his name was, well, James. It lasted a full 10 hours (we’d met up for coffee at 3 p.m.
on a Saturday), and we discussed everything from the rudeness inherent to chronic lateness to how we both hate the book KNOW.
Currently, I am using online dating to meet new prospects, though I choose not to date anyone who is going through divorce.
I am divorced and have been for two years and am of the opinion that there is too much other stuff going on in one’s life during a divorce to date, as well.
Do you advise your clients to take the date or run as quick as possible?
Any stalling, or worse, attempts at reconciliation are red lights for you to put a stop to seeing him until he is officially, legally single. If so, that tells you that he is willing to work on disagreements as well as letting you know that the divorce was not a rash decision.
If he cannot or will not follow through on this, what kind of follow through will he have in regards to his commitment to you? Does he acknowledge his role in the marriage falling apart? If he says phrases like, "I'm not perfect" or "I really tried," take these as cues that his relationship with you will also feature him making an effort when needed.
All this information came up over the course of our 10-hour date, and to some extent, the process of James discussing it was akin to someone waving a red flag in my face. The point of course is this: There are some serious pros to dating a divorced guy. The Cons: (I thought we’d get the negatives out of the way first. ” You’ll have to manage her continued pining, her continued pursuit. You will see him see old photos, you will see him cry or scream or fume or mourn. And – lest it bears mention – this is all as much fun as… A guy who’s lived with a woman for a significant period of time has a pretty good sense of what to say and when to say it. If you’re boyfriend’s divorced, you can be 99 percent sure he’s lived with someone else for a while and has a solid understanding of shared space as a result. A divorce is a horrible thing to be sure, but from what I’ve observed, it’s also pretty humbling.
You’ll have to manage the frequency of her calls, the hours at which she makes them . well, imagine shredding a carrot, tying all those carrot shreds together, then threading the long, thin carrot they’ve become through your sinuses till they pop out of your mouth. Let’s say you’re trying on a dress, and you ask his opinion. He understands the closet isn’t his and his alone, he understands he doesn’t always get control of the TV. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ll take a humble guy with failed marriage over some arrogant guy who’s never settled down any day of the week.