Jokes rules for dating my daughter

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

I got this awhile ago and really enjoyed it, so enjoy!

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend�s father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter�s chest.

He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds. Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best to make my daughter�s suitors feel even worse. Is that because you�re stupid, or did you merely want to APPEAR stupid?

Posted on: 10 Cado 7:0 - 5.27.29 So you've procrastinated again. It's due in a few hours."Social Networks" like Facebook are booming -- especially Facebook. If you’ve ever felt like movie posters are all the same, you now have proof that your hunch is right, thanks to these compilations by Christophe Courtois… A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No If “No”, explain: __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Number of years they have been married ______________________________If less than your age, explain________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________A. (you might watch your back)To prepare yourself, should you, by some ice cube’s chance in HELL, be even remotely considered, start studying If you pull into my driveway and honk, you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ mean to you? If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:______________________________________________________________C.

I came across this today and, since I am the father of three girls, decided to make it public for possible suitors to prepare themselves as well as for other fathers who may need it. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Church you attend ___________________________________________________How often you attend ________________________________________________When would be the best time to interview your: Father? A woman’s place is in the:______________________________________________________________D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:______________________________________________________________E. ______________________________________________________________F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:______________________________________________________________G. __________________I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE._________________________________________________________Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!

Note, this is slightly changed from the original version that I received! )_______________________________ ________________________________Mother’s Signature Father’s Signature_______________________________ ________________________________Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman In the boxes below, please provide Finger Prints, inked in your own blood for Homeland Security Identity Checking and DNA sampling: Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.

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  1. let us not be sexist or homophobic) to be silly in itself, because, as a singleton Wo W player, I’ve encountered way, like WAAAY more players who are romantically committed than players who are single.