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” Me, while wearing something that probably makes me look fat.“WHY CAN’T I BE AMY POEHLER OR LISA FRANK, IS SHE DEAD?
AGH” — Me, while working on something I don’t want to do.“Would my parents be dissapointed if I became a housewife?
So I’d like to get in on all the acceptable forms of hating White People that’s currently trending. There is no winning here for you White People; colonization is the deux ex-machina of justifying why you all are the worst race on the planet at the moment, maybe even all of human history.
Any time you try to talk sense to racial minorities about identity politics and PC culture, you will be shut down.
Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard? Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane, you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp.
We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are, you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh, I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Maybe I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch. It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for.
Oh, but that's okay because you go to church, right? 'Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. ” — Me, while on Snapchat.“I have to do that thing I have been putting off for about a month…” — Me, while putting off that thing yet again.“This makes me look fat” — Me, while looking in the mirror wearing something that doesn’t make me look fat.“He’s cute” — ME, ALL THE FUCKING TIME.“I hate men” — Me, while thinking about the patriarchy.“Is this problematic?” — Me, while thinking something that is definitely problematic.“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh” — Multiply this by at least 20.“Why does no one talk to me anymore?How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? Who do you think those wig-wearing, lacy-shirt-sporting revolutionaries were? You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. "Let the Spanish keep it; it's a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice. It's not your money, assholes, it's fucking our money.
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We will throw this excuse at your face till we are satisfied you feel like the racist garbage we all know you are deep down.